


A Sea of Language

by jesterlady



Category: Road to Avonlea
Genre: 1910s, Alternate Canon, Angst and Feels, Big Bang Challenge, Blind Character, Canon Het Relationship, F/M, Family, Family Secrets, Het Big/Little Bang Challenge 19, Letters, Love Letters, Ocean, Romance, World Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 16:55:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24120193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: Felicity King and Gus Pike exchange letters throughout their engagement while he is sailing to Jamaica to uncover the truth about his past and parentage and she is going to medical school.  When word comes to her that Gus has died at sea, Felicity sets out to find him, believing he is still alive.
Relationships: Felicity King/Gus Pike
Comments: 22
Kudos: 6
Collections: The Het Big Bang 2019-2020





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Road to Avonlea. The title is by Eugene Peterson. A least one section of the letters is from the actual show.
> 
> I have such lovely art done for me by ashling! Please check out her moodboards and give her kudos and comments!  
> [Art here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/TheHetBigBang2019_2020/works/24156451)

_March 1909_

_Dear Felicity,_

_You know it was just a few hours since we left port and I’m already writing ya. I’m hoping it might help me finally believe everything that’s happened. It was the craziest week of my life and I’ve had some adventures as you know._

_I look at my ma and I can’t believe she’s really there. My whole life she’s been a fuzzy memory, something nice to believe in, but nothing I could really hold on to. She’s sleeping now and it’s a bit sad how that’s the only time she looks happy. I don’t know what happened to her but every time I think about it, I see red and have to cool down. She was a bit jumpy at first but I’m glad she’s sleeping. I can’t wait to get to Jamaica and find Captain Crane and find out what he knows. It’s finally here, a chance to find out who I really am, to know what I come from, for the first time in my life. Everything else was a lie. Even the people I thought I could count on, like the Captain, he still somehow lied to me._

_But I’ve got weeks ahead of me to think about it before it will happen. In the meantime, I hope I can get pieces from my ma or at least help her feel better._

_I’m not nearly as anxious about all of this as I thought I would be though, and that’s cause of you. Honest to God truth, I know whatever comes, I’ll be okay, because Felicity King agreed to marry me. Writing it makes it so, and it’s there in black and white for the world to see, an impossible dream come true. You made me happy, more than that, I can’t describe how you make me feel in general and today in particular._

_I’m glad we got a chance to talk things out and I’m sorry we didn’t have a chance to do it more. But now we got our whole lives to talk and know each other, right? I want to fix this not just to know my past but so I can stop wondering about it and concentrate on our future together. I think it works out because you can go to school now and when I come back we can figure it out together. I’m real glad the school let you keep going without any fuss._

_My ma is stirring so I’m gonna stop writing now but I’ll write often. Being a passenger on a ship is lot different to working on one. Too much time on your hands. I guess you can tell your aunt I’m working on my penmanship since she worked so hard to teach it to me. I can write and post the letters when we put into port. I’ll let you know best as I can how to write back. Shipping line is likely the best way though cause I can check in the office at the ports._

_Yours,  
Gus_

_March 1909_

_Dear Gus,_

_Do you remember the day Captain Crane gave you the ruby ring and when you played your fiddle with it on your finger, it sparkled so in the sunshine? I am reminded of that day because as I sit here writing to you, the sun is shining through my window and the shine from the gem keeps distracting me._

_I am wearing your ring now and I will wear it forever and just as you can’t believe it’s finally true, neither can I. Things between us always seemed so unsettled and now I can rest and focus on other things because I know where we stand. I do still think of you often and pray for your safety as you travel, but I can concentrate on school knowing that our future is secure._

_You might have too much time on your hands being a passenger, but I have absolutely zero time. Everything I thought I knew about medicine is being swept away with each new book I have to read and test I have to perform. There’s so much work involved, and I barely have time to sleep and eat, let alone write to anyone. If I were able to travel home, I would spend most of my time studying and avoiding well-meaning but mostly gossip-hunting visits from the likes of Eulalie Bugle!_

_You will have to write for both of us, though I know you also have your hands full tending to your mother. I hope she remains calm, though I’m sure a sea voyage is probably stressful for someone who is not quite sure what is happening. In my spare time, (of which there is none!) I have devoted my studying to people with her kind of mental condition in hopes I can pass on any wisdom. Unfortunately, there is not a lot to be had that doesn’t involve methods of which I’m not sure I approve._

_But I will send whatever I can in hopes of making your relationship with her progress more smoothly._

_I pray you have a speedy and safe voyage and that when you reach Jamaica, you are able to find Captain Crane easily and can find so many of the answers you need._

_Just know I will be waiting here for you._

_Yours,  
Felicity_

_April 1909_

_Dear Felicity,_

_Reading your letter was the best part of my day, that’s for sure. It’s been real choppy so far and I don’t get sea sick but my ma has and that doesn’t help her state of mind. I spend most of my time trying to make sure she stays out of the way of the lads working or tending her when she’s feeling poorly. She doesn’t confuse me anymore with the Captain, I don’t think. She calls me, ‘my boy,’ most of the time, and it makes me feel a bit sad inside even though I like hearing it. You can see behind her eyes, there’s a whole person in there just trying to talk, but it comes out in nonsense half the time. Makes me want to wring my pa’s neck and anyone else who helped. But I’m trying to keep calm now and focus on waiting for those answers._

_It helps some to be able to spend time looking out at the water and not hurrying to do some bit of work. I’ve helped them out a bit here and there, but then I get to just sit and think and it does the spirit good when the water is clear and blue, even with the waves riding high._

_But I miss you and wish you were here and I think about you most of all._

_I had to arrange for someone to look after my ma and run off the ship as we were only making a real brief detour to drop off some packages special order. I wasn’t sure I would find a treasure, but I did, your letter! A little worse for wear, but it got to me._

_I know you’re working hard and I want to say even though I haven’t always been the most understanding about school, I’m real proud of you for sticking to it and for standing tall under the pressure. You’re amazing, you’re even trying to help me and my ma from a distance. Tenacious and stubborn as all get out as Miss King would say. But that’s my girl. I appreciate all your book learning wisdom._

_We’re real close and I’ll write you again when we get there as it’s not likely we’ll make another stop._

_Wear that ruby and make her shine!_

_Yours,  
Gus_

_April 1909_

_Dear Gus,_

_Your last letter was brown and dried like it had been dropped in the sea. Do you think that happens often, letters flying away in the wind and being recovered, hoping they are still decipherable once they reach their destination?_

_I am glad you’ve almost reached Jamaica. In fact, I imagine, you will already be there once this letter reaches you. I admit, it’s a little nerve-wracking to know you’re somewhere on the ocean and I couldn’t reach you if something were to happen. I felt that way more than once after you left Avonlea, but I stubbornly didn’t want to admit it because then it meant remembering you were out of my life._

_But now you are only temporarily absent, and I have more than enough to deal with here. I have passed my first exams and while I did not do as well as I often did in school growing up, I am still somehow prouder of these results than of every high mark Aunt Hetty gave me. I was very proud of them at the time, competing with Andrew at every turn, lauding my intelligence over Felix, and secretly being very jealous of Sara’s composition skills._

_I miss her a lot but even if I were home, she’s spent quite a lot of time in Montreal lately and so we wouldn’t be able to be close as we used to be. I have not had time to find many friends here as school and study take up all my time. As you can imagine there are no other women in my classes and though Rachel Lynde personally recommended a few people she knows distantly in these foreign parts, I have not had a chance to do much but exchange a few polite remarks with them at Sunday services. For a woman who condemns traveling, I am amazed at how many people she knows outside of the Island._

_I must wrap up soon and attend to my studies, but I wanted to say I’m glad you’ve had time to reflect and spend time with your mother, even though I know it is harder than it ought to be. I may be sticking to my schooling, but you are sticking to your family, and that makes me proud to be the woman you will marry._

_Be careful in Jamaica and let me know you arrived safely. I have a lot of people back in Avonlea constantly bombarding me with questions of your safety. Felix sends his regards and my parents and aunts send their love…as do I._

_Yours,  
Felicity_

_May 1909_

_Dear Felicity,_

_Well, we’re here and safely, so wanted to let you know that straight off. I got your letter but I’m a bit surprised since you’re right, letters often get mislaid and destroyed on their way. God’s watching out for our writing, that’s for sure._

_We’re in Kingston and it’s the likeliest place to find the Captain so here we’re likely to stay for a while. It’s busy and full of people as ships stop here all the time. Jamaica’s a stopping point for a lot of ships coming from Africa and the far East. People don’t have a lot in some places, a hurricane tore the place up pretty bad a few years back. It can make finding what you’re looking for difficult._

_It’s also real warm, more than PEI ever gets. I’ve been places like this before so it was like stepping into a memory, coming back, but I think my ma is finding it a bit hard to get used to. She’s clinging to my arm most of the time when we go out and about. It’s not easy because I can’t leave her by herself and now we’re not in a confined space like the ship, I don’t want her to run off. It’s pretty clear she doesn’t want to leave me, but it does make things like finding the Captain even harder._

_I think she’ll be better in a few days once she gets used to it, but I’m trying to be patient and put my burning desire to get answers on hold. But since we’re here, I’m even more anxious to find him. I gotta face the facts though, it might be a long time afore I do._

_But I’ll keep reaching out to you and let you know my progress._

_I’m glad you passed your exams and that you’re doing well, even though it’s hard. Maybe it works out real well that I’m not there to bother you all the time. I miss you though. Now that I’m back on firm ground, it seems harder to know we’re apart. But you keep working hard and I’m cheering for ya. But rest sometimes, I hope. It wouldn’t do for the doctor herself to get sick cause she worked too hard._

_Tell Felix hello and all the folks and I’m real grateful they’re asking about me. Tell me more news about them if you can!_

_Yours,  
Gus_

_June 1909_

_Dear Gus,_

_I am relieved that you got there safely. But now I need to be worried about scoundrels and ruffians though I know you can take care of yourself. I guess I will just need to worry about you until you are again where I can see you._

_I do so hope your mother acclimates soon. Remember to drink as much water as you can and to make sure that it’s clean water. I’m horrified by all that I read of the diseases one can contract from drinking contaminated water._

_I also wish you luck on your search and will pray that it is concluded speedily. For both selfish and unselfish reasons. But no matter what, I know how important this is to you and I’m glad you have the opportunity to see this through, no matter how long it takes._

_I assure you, I rest as much as I am able, but I’ve always been a hard worker and never needed much sleep. My studies tell me that will change the older I get, so I am glad that I am still young. The work is still hard, but you will be happy to know that I did have a break._

_I went home after my exams at my parent’s insistence and because I needed to work more in order to be able to pay for the next part of my schooling. I think that is the most maddening part, knowing that I will have to do this in fits and starts and not just go straight through. But I am glad Miss Stacy keeps a position open for me at the store._

_It was hard at first to find myself in Avonlea, but I quickly rediscovered that though it is a different kind of work, there is still so much to do! Besides working at the store, I’m keeping up with my studies, and helping out with the chores on the farm. Or rather, keeping after Felix to do his chores._

_Speaking of which, he was being ridiculous lately because he’d received a secret love letter and I wouldn’t help him answer it. I really didn’t have the time. It all worked out in the end, as Sara was home and helped him. Of course, then it turned into rather a complicated mess as such things do in Avonlea. I believe Izzy was the person writing the letter (also with help from Sara!) but Felix mistakenly thought it was someone from the hotel, and it ended up with Aunt Hetty on the warpath thinking that Sara was running off with Arthur Pettibone! I thought you might find that amusing._

_In actuality, Sara is going to school in Paris! I must admit, I’m rather jealous of her opportunity, but I am glad for her. She will finally be on her own without either Aunt Hetty or her Nanny Louisa interfering in her life. But she will be in Paris and so far away from either of her homes and I will miss her so much._

_We are all so spread out now, Gus. I am home only half the time, Sara in Europe, poor Cecily is at the sanitorium, you’re traveling. Even Sally Potts went away to school._

_Perhaps it is being back home that is making me feel so nostalgic. Either way, I miss you and I cannot wait until you’re finally home again._

_Yours, Felicity_

_July 1909_

_Dear Felicity,_

_I hardly know where to begin so I think I’ll start by responding to your news, but I warn ya, this letter is likely to be longer than most._

_I’m real glad you got a break and can be home again. I think of those red cliffs sometimes in my dreams. I know I was born on that land and even though I spent so much of my life traveling and somewhere else, I am glad it’s my home, too._

_You deserve all the rest you can get, but I know it’s hard to not be able to keep doing what you want to do. I sure wish I could help you with paying for all that. We’ll talk about it, I know, but at least when we’re married, it will be my job to help._

_So Felix and Izzy are finally realizing things? Well, I hope that works out for them, though it sounds like it might take a bit of time._

_That’s grand for Sara, she sure deserves to get some freedom and learning, and time to do all the things she wants to do. She was as firm a part of Avonlea as any other, but you could always tell she was destined for great things. Give her my best when you talk to her and to everyone else. Your folks are the best people I know and I’m missing your family._

_But I miss you most of all._

_And now to my news. The short version is I found him. It was weeks before I did and I was beginning to lose hope or think he’d moved on somewhere else. All the sailors I talked to and the messages I’d sent didn’t appear to have gotten here. We were safe, despite your ruffians and scoundrels, but the searching was wearing thin on me. My ma was anxious, too. I think she felt it from me._

_But one day, a fella came off a ship and I asked him about the Captain and he told me where he was lodging. So I took my ma and off we went. I didn’t know if it’d be too much for either of them, but I couldn’t leave her by herself._

_I was real nervous knocking on the door and when it opened, he took one look at me and her and stumbled back like somebody’d shot him._

_He waved us in and we sat in his small place and she was crying and clinging to me like anything. He just kept looking at us both like we were ghosts._

_I asked him if he’d known she was alive and he swears he didn’t. I do believe him now, but I had a hard time believing it at first. He’d told me once how he dug my ma’s grave. How could he have done that and not known? But he told me when my pa told him she was dead, he’d dug the grave and not gone to the funeral. He’d never seen her since he’d promised her he’d watch out for me cause my pa was real jealous._

_He was watching her the whole time he talked, like a hungry man, and he asked me in a shaking voice to tell him about her. I told him our story and he got real mad, squeezing his chair hard. But then he grew real gentle and knelt down on the floor beside where she was clinging to me. She’d been hiding her face the whole time, like her whole self couldn’t believe it neither._

_He called her Eliza and it was just like…like she opened up. She stopped hiding and she was almost normal. She hugged him and they were both crying. I didn’t know what to do so I backed off, but then she reached out for me and presented me like to him. She told him that this was her boy and the Captain nodded, saying he knew._

_I can’t deny I was crying myself. I asked him, dared to ask him, showing him the pictures I found under the pulpit stones, if he was my pa._

_He said nay and there was a large part of me that was disappointed. Coming from the Captain would be a lot better than the likes of Abraham Pike even if it would have been wrong. He got passionate though, telling me that what he said was true, that he loved my ma, but he knew she loved my pa, and he wouldn’t sully that, and the picture of him was given before they got married. Afterwards, well, we all know what happened afterwards with my pa, but even then the Captain didn’t want to treat her so wrong when she was married. The Captain guesses that my pa was jealous and when my ma got sick, he told everyone she died so he could put her in that home and she was too sick to know better. And we don’t know what would have happened since he went to jail and neither he nor the Captain could take care of me._

_We’re thinking that the sickness did something to her mind that got worse being in that place. He looks sad when he looks at her, but he is also gentle. She talks to him more than to me, maybe cause the sight of him is more familiar._

_My pa has the only answers left but neither of us want to go tracking him down. It ain’t worth it. The Captain’s been more of a pa to me the short time I’ve spent with him anyway. In fact, he even told me so, that I was like his son. I tell ya, it made me feel powerfully happy inside._

_But now we gotta figure things out. We keep talking and he tells me more and she feels a bit better being here, I can tell. But we don’t rightly know what to do. I think it’s best I stay here a while. The Captain says he’ll take care of her the rest of his days and never wants to be away from her and maybe she’ll keep getting better, but I don’t know as she’ll ever be fully right. I don’t want to leave her or him._

_But I ache to see you and I know you’re my future. As long as you’re okay being without me, I’m gonna set up shop here. The Captain still has what he tricked Boren out of, but he lives simply. I’d like to get some work at the ports anyway though cause my own funds are limited._

_I gotta think about all this anyway. It’s a lot of work and suddenly being with the two of them and knowing what could have been, it makes me feel a lot of things I don’t know how to name. I don’t suppose I would have been born if my ma had just chosen the Captain over my pa, but she might not be so poorly and he might not have had to grieve so long. I kinda wish he’d fought harder for her or rescued her or me. I know he’s done a lot for me, given me the first home I ever had, but I still feel angry sometimes._

_Sorry, that’s a lot to write and put on you, but I know you would want to know what happened. And I gotta get used to telling you all the things inside. I’m just sorry I couldn’t give you a better family to join, like yours._

_I know now a bit more, but there’s still part of me that wishes for something different._

_But the one thing I never doubt is you. So, I’m thinking of you._

_Yours, Gus_

_September 1909_

_Dear Gus,_

_I’ve been trying to process your news for a while now. In fact, I set aside the letter, wanting to think, to give you my truest advice, not an emotional reaction._

_Because I feel so sad for you, that this has been your life. That you didn’t grow up as I did, secure in knowing who you are and with a family. But it makes me even sadder to think that you feel bad you cannot give me a family to join. Because it’s not about that, Gus. I’m marrying you. I don’t care where you come from. I know it may have seemed so years ago and I blush at some of the ways I used to treat you, but please know now, from my heart, how honored I am to marry you. You are the most honorable man I’ve ever met._

_And your family is honorable as well. Your mother and your true father are honorable people, despite how frightened of him I sometimes was as a child. I am so glad you know most of the truth now, even though I am sure that it is even harder for you to process than it has been for me._

_I wish I were there with you, to help you through this. I am proud of you though and think it right you spend more time with them, helping them acclimate to a new life with each other. I don’t suppose…well, is it indelicate to ask what their plans are considering your parents are still married? I know you don’t want to track down your father, but at some point, will it be necessary?_

_I am sorry, that is likely far ahead of what you are thinking and feeling and likely to cause more stress. Just rest assured that you can stay there as long as you need to without fearing wrath from me. Though I shall not be afraid to say that I will miss you and will welcome you home at any time._

_My heart goes out to your mother, having so many surprises. I am including some information I hope will be helpful to you both in helping her. Please make sure to get some rest, especially now that Captain Crane can help you._

_I am still in Avonlea though set to leave again shortly. I stayed later than I wanted to since my parents and Miss Stacy were away and I needed some more funds. In fact, mostly what I ended up doing was curtailing Felix’s harebrained schemes for a fox farm and realizing that my brother is more grown up than I had realized. Yet he still needs a lot of looking after. Luckily, Izzy appears to be up to the task!_

_I have heard from Sara and she is settled into her new classes and loving it immensely. She sends her love and wanted me to tell you she was so glad you had the opportunity to rediscover your past. I will, of course, keep everything you’ve told me in confidence unless you wish it to be known._

_I am strangely reluctant to return to the hard grind of school, but a large part of me is excited to have more meaningful employment again and to know that it is a worthy goal to accomplish while you are away. Pray for me though that I am up to the task as I pray for you under the emotions and strain you are under._

_Write again soon._

_Yours,  
Felicity_

_October 1909_

_Dear Felicity,_

_You know I was yours from the moment I saw ya? But over the years it’s only been more true that I love you and I’m so glad you’ll be mine. You really comforted me with your letter. Because this is hard, really hard, and I don’t have many people to talk to that aren’t right in the thick of it with me. I guess my real concern with my family is that I don’t want to drag you down with me into this mess. But I’m thankful you want to go through this with me. It helps more than you know._

_Your help for my ma is so appreciated, too. Modern methods sure work a treat. It works real well for her and it’s amazing to see her act more comfortable around us and in general. I also think it’s being with the Captain, like she’s living in the past, and the past is when she felt whole. I know it’s not the right thing exactly, them being together with my pa alive and all of that, but if there’s one thing the Reverends Leonard and Fitzsimmons taught me it’s that God’s grace is bigger than our situations. The Captain wouldn’t do anything indecent and my ma couldn’t have a regular marriage now as it is. So I hope you feel okay with that cause I think that’s the way it’s gotta be. The Captain and I have been talking and once I’m on my way he’ll take my ma and hire some folk to help take care of her and be in the house so as to make things a bit more proper and it will be a help._

_I’ll be here a bit longer, I think, but I’m anxious to start making my way home. My old shipping line might have a job for me, but I’ll need to work my way back so it will be longer than my trip here even. The Captain offered to pay my passage home, but I don’t feel quite right taking that. I almost feel like I need to be paying him to take care of my ma. It’s a lot._

_I’m glad you’re getting back to new schooling. Let me know how it’s going. I can understand it would be hard to plunge back into that considering how much hard work it was. But you can do it, more so than anyone else could._

_Ah, Felix. The boy is brilliant, but he does need some reining in and it’s real good he’s got such a good friend and family to help him out. But I do think he’ll do something great._

_As for Sara, well, of course she’ll do well at whatever she does. You know I don’t mind if she knows about my parents. I think she knows more about my pa than even you do after that scare we had the last time I saw him. I imagine everyone else is real curious, too. I would be! I think your family does deserve to know what their daughter is getting into, but I admit it does make me feel a bit shamed to know where I come from. But your folks are kind and honest and if it weren’t for Miss King, I’d be who knows where doing who knows what. So long as it’s your family, you can let them know if they want to know. Maybe once I’m home you and I can tell the details to them, but you can for sure let them know I found Captain Crane and my ma is doing better._

_I’ll let you know when I’m on my way back but hope to hear from you soon anyway._

_Yours,  
Gus_

_November 1909_

_Dear Gus,_

_I’m sorry it’s been so long, and I feel I’ve hardly had time to write. But you can be proud of me, for I have finished my first year of schooling! I’m not sure how I managed it, but I am so happy that I did. It has been a very long year, mostly because I have been alone and you have been gone, but also because I was working so hard for most of it._

_I am one of a very few women who have gotten this far and so no matter what happens next, I have accomplished something._

_So now I can do nothing but work and wait for my final grades to come in. I am back home and I find myself feeling a little bit at a loss. I am working at the store, of course, and I am keeping my memory fresh by helping Dr. Jones as much as I am able. It is actually refreshing and helpful to practice what I have learned with someone who understands how hard it is and values my help rather than hurling thinly veiled comments at me every chance they get about how I can’t do this as well as a man!_

_I can’t tell you how glad I am that your mother is doing better and that even a small part of that is due to what I’ve learned. It also makes everything I’ve accomplished worth something. God’s grace is on her and you and I have only begun to learn what means. I do understand their situation is entirely unique and I’m sure so long as they take precautions, there would be nothing untoward about their living arrangements. I just pray that everything will work out well and she will continue to improve every day. Selfishly I hope so because every day she is better, is a day closer to you returning to me._

_I understand your need to pay your own way, but do not be afraid to forge bonds of obligation between you and Captain Crane. You are family now, whether you are blood or not._

_I will definitely ease my family’s mind regarding your search, but I will reserve details from all but Sara at this time until you come home. It would do well to be with them as an engaged couple and welcome you into our family truly._

_I expect to be at home for several months as school will not start for a while and I must see if I can go back when it starts again._

_Yours,  
Felicity_

_Christmas 1909_

_Dear Felicity,_

_Happy Christmas, Felicity. It’s not quite so festive here as at home, but we make do. I think my ma and the Captain enjoyed themselves as did I._

_Well, this will be my last letter from Jamaica. I’ve hired work at the shipping line though I don’t know which boat it will be yet. Likely the next time I write it will be from the sea herself. Best to go back to writing care of the shipping line, I think. I doubt I’ll have as much time for writing this time since I’ll be working but it will be good to get back to the water. There’s nothing quite like the feeling._

_In Jamaica the sea is an impossible blue. The days are like the most perfect days of summer and at their ends, the sun sinks into changing colours beyond my words to describe. The days are shorter, though, than our summer days of home and my evenings feel so long. Especially when I think of you._

_I might be getting impertinent here, but I dream of you, Felicity. Your eyes and your hair and everything else about you. When we’re married you’ll finally be mine to kiss and hold tight and that’s what I think about these long evenings._

_It’s gonna be hard to leave though. The Captain and I have been talking to my ma regularly, trying to make sure she knows what’s coming and can understand. I think she gets it sometimes and then others, I don’t know. But she’s been clinging to me a bit more lately and that makes me think she knows I’m leaving. It’s strange to think of leaving her when I’ve only just found her but I look at the two of them and how happy he makes her and I feel I’m doing right._

_Besides, I think I can come and visit her maybe sometime while you’re in school? You’re my priority now so I want to make sure we set things straight between us as to what we want, but it does seem like your education is coming at the best time for something like this._

_On the other hand, mayhap they’ll want to move a bit closer to home now. Leastways, I’ve tried to put that bug in his ear. I think my ma would be more comfortable on PEI and Avonlea’s close to the sea. Then I could help take care of them. But, of course, we’ll figure out where you and I end up, too. I think about it and there’s so much we never talked about before. Me, always assuming things._

_Assuming you wouldn’t want to do things like go to medical school. But you are and you finished your first year. That’s grand, Felicity! I’m proud of all you accomplished and happy for you, too. You’ve done real well and should be proud of yourself as you are. I’m glad you’re getting a bit of a break though. I get the feeling I’ll be just getting back once you go back yourself, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I’ve no doubt you’ll go back. Helping Dr. Jones will only spur ya on._

_I appreciate you wanting to tell your family and we’ll do that together, like we can do everything from now on. I’ll be leaving soon._

_Yours,  
Gus_

_February 1910_

_Dear Gus,_

_I’ve been having a hard time writing because I am so sad right now and I just don’t know what to do or think or feel._

_In fact, I’m a complete mess and I just wish you were here. I’m so glad you’re on your way back._

_I guess it started when I got my grades back from school and I did really well, but I missed the deadline for registration, and they gave away my spot to someone else. I was devastated and felt like such a failure to miss something so simple. I was already going to have to pursue this through fits and starts and now to be delayed an entire semester for no real reason! On the other hand, I got a new opportunity. Dr. Snow heard about what happened and offered me a position in his office to help keep me on track for the next year. I was grateful and excited. It did mean I had to give up my job in the store, but Miss Stacy was gracious about it and supportive as she always is. It also meant that instead of having to travel so far to help Dr. Jones, I could be right here in Avonlea._

_It also, I admit, made me imagine that you and I might be able to be married sooner since I wouldn’t be at school, but I wanted to wait and ask you about it, of course._

_It was different than I imagined because Dr. Snow was so different than my teachers at school. It felt very…backwards. I know he’s a good man and does good work, but I thought I was going to get to witness the miracles of medicine and instead found myself cleaning Gurney Macdonald’s old tooth! I started to question myself, what it was I was working toward. I knew I couldn’t handle a country practice, but where else could I establish myself? A university teacher or researcher who was a woman would not be accepted yet. Besides, there was you and my family to consider. It just was overwhelming, and I felt disillusioned about all the dreams I’d built up._

_I love the researching, I love the experimenting, but the actual work of helping people…well, it’s hard._

_And then everything happened._

_I can’t remember if you ever met my friend Colleen. We were so close when I was younger, probably before you came to Avonlea, and she was a true friend. She was always genuine and kind and fun-hearted, even when I was not. She moved away from Avonlea, but after her marriage she came back. She was pregnant with her and Seth’s first child._

_I was so happy to see her back in Avonlea and she was so happy to be back. But, Gus, the child came and lived, and Colleen did not. I was there, I was the one helping her, and I just don’t know if I can bear the guilt and the fear of those moments. There was a horrible accident and Dr. Snow was busy helping when Colleen went into labor. He sent me ahead to help her and she was much worse than the baby you and I helped Dr. Jones with. Dr. Snow did arrive before the baby was born and I had to clear the child’s lungs while he worked on Colleen but…but it was terrifying. We did it and the baby lived._

_I feel ashamed to admit it, but I just don’t know if I can go back to school. All the joy I felt at helping people, all the excitement of learning, all the accomplishment, it’s all faded now in the back of my mind, a poor dream in the wake of cruel reality._

_Oh, I need your advice and your comfort. I also need distraction from the thoughts that keep plaguing me, running the night over and over in my mind. What could I have done differently before he got there to make sure the dyspepsia didn’t claim her life?_

_I am sorry to overwhelm you with this when I know there is nothing you can do at the moment, but just knowing you know somewhere out there, are thinking of me and praying for me, is more than anything else right now._

_My family doesn’t want me to give up on a dream or fail or besmirch the King family name, but they just don’t understand. My mother, in particular, after being so slow to understand my desire to go to school, is now dead set against me dropping out._

_I am sorry you had to leave your mother and hope she continues well and that you’ve heard from Captain Crane about how they are. How wonderful it would be to have them near us! I know there is much we need to talk about and this will have to be part of it now._

_I will wait to pour out more of my woes until I can do so in person._

_Hurry home._

_Yours,  
Felicity_

_February 1910_

_Dear Felicity,_

_It pains me to think of being so far away from you when you’re hurting so bad. I’m so sorry you’re going through that and had to lose your friend. I’d give anything right now to be able to wrap you in my arms and never let you go._

_I’m hurrying to you though, I promise. I’m on a ship called the Maid of Calais and we’ve put into Charleston, South Carolina for boiler repairs. Might be a good thing as I never would have got your letter so soon otherwise and been able to reply right away. I think we should be on our way by the end of the month, but I won’t rest easy until we do._

_Judging from your letter it seems like you were a bit uneasy about being a doctor before you lost her, which helps me think this isn’t just a reaction to a tragedy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, done it myself a time or two. But I just want you to be real sure about what you want. I’ll back anything you need or want, you can be sure, but perhaps you need a bit of time to contemplate what that is. Maybe it was a stroke of Providence, you missing the registration like that since now you do have some time set aside to think and pray and we can talk when I get there._

_I’m not pushing you one way or the other, mind. I just don’t want you to give up on a dream unless you’re sure. I remember seeing your face when you delivered that baby and it was a beautiful sight. And you did save Colleen’s baby, just remember that, too._

_Your beautiful face is in my thoughts and prayers every day. I’ll be seeing you soon._

_All my love,  
Gus_

_March 1910_

_Dearest Gus,_

_I realized today that it’s been a year since we parted on the docks and I promised myself to you. A year since seeing you and being able to touch you and hear your voice. That’s too long. I am anxiously awaiting your arrival home and praying every minute for the Maid of Calais, her speed and safety._

_Thank you for your comforting words. They helped more than you can believe. Cecily reminded me recently that you always understand everything, and she is right. That’s the good news I forgot to mention in my recent letter. Cecily is home! The doctors have given her a clean bill of health and while I know more than anyone how easy it would be for her to relapse, I am reassured upon seeing her that she is healthy and strong. Indeed, she looks so healthy as to be a completely different person! I thank God every day for that, a sign that while medicine may not be my calling anymore, it’s certainly needed in this world._

_Mother and father were a little too worried about her when she got back, keeping her life so much the same as it was at the sanitorium, she might just as well have been back there. They have eased up now, reassured by the medical report from the sanitorium._

_I have spent a lot of my time caring for Colleen’s baby, Alice. Seth is busy working at the railroad and can’t be there to look after her all the time and they don’t have any other family here anymore. It’s quite comforting actually, to see her healthy and take care of her. It still hurts, but I have stopped obsessing so much over what happened. I just want to do what I can for them both since Colleen is no longer here._

_I still don’t think I’ll ever want to go back to school, but I’ve decided to wait on a final decision until you get here. It’s true, our futures are bound and so should our decisions be. I confess, I don’t really know what to think about anything and just can’t shake the feeling I won’t until you’re home. It’s like I’m in limbo, waiting for you. I’ve never experienced that feeling of doubt before and I don’t like it much. On the other hand, it will be so sweet to plan our life together, whatever decision is made. We need to do it together. So hurry home to me. I’ll be waiting for you._

_Love,  
Felicity_


	2. Part Two

_March 1910_

_To: Miss Felicity King, Avonlea, Prince Edward Island, Canada_

_Regret to inform Maid of Calais wrecked. STOP. All hands lost. STOP. Effects of Gus Pike to be sent. STOP. All condolences. -SC Port Office_

_April 1910_

_Portmaster, Charleston, South Carolina, United States_

_I have heard the news of the loss of the Maid of Calais and am horrified at this news. We have received communication that all hands were lost. Please confirm this information; in particular, was Gus Pike lost? He was to be married to my daughter and you can understand our need for absolute confirmation in this matter and to make funeral arrangements as necessary._

_Thank you for your prompt attention,  
Alec King, Avonlea, Prince Edward Island, Canada_

_April 1910_

_To: Mr. Alec King, Avonlea, Prince Edward Island, Canada_

_Regret to confirm Gus Pike among list of deceased. STOP. No body available for burial. STOP. Effects will be sent as recovered. STOP. All condolences. -SC Port Office_

_May 1910_

_Felicity King,_

_I won’t waste time saying condolences I don’t believe are needed. I have survived more shipwrecks than put in safely to port. Gus might still be alive and I intend to find him. Will ye join me? Eliza needs looking after. Will your folks be able?_

_Will be in Avonlea August likely or sooner with the winds. Send word if you’ll come._

_Ezekiel Crane_

_June 1910_

_Dear Captain Crane,_

_I’m confused by your message. Weren’t you the one who called and told us Gus was gone?_

_Nevertheless, I don’t care how, if you want to find him, I’m coming with you. My folks are able to look after Eliza. We will look for your arrival in August._

_Felicity King_

_July 1910_

_My dear Sara,_

_How is your schooling? I hope you are punctual to all your classes and timely with your schoolwork. It would not do for a King to behave in any other way. You might be on the continent, but that is no excuse for behaving badly, as I hear occurs at so many of those foreign schools._

_As you know, it has been a thoroughly dismal year with the loss of Gus and with Felicity spending all her time moping. I am very concerned she has not replied to any of your letters._

_Now that Ezekiel Crane and Eliza Pike have arrived, she does appear to have perked up a little. They are set to sail next week, and I admit to a great many perturbances of mind concerning this expedition. The idea of a young woman traveling alone with such a man is ridiculous. It is something I would never allow. I would have gone myself, rather than risk such a scandal! With Rachel feeling better and able to take care of the children, I would have felt well justified to leave home._

_Granted, my duties as schoolteacher and at the hotel didn’t permit it. Simon Tremayne could not run that place on his own for a week, let alone for the amount of time I would have had to be gone. Your Aunt Olivia has volunteered to take care of Eliza while Ezekiel and Felicity are gone, but I am sure both Janet and I will be called upon to undertake our familial duty._

_I am still skeptical of the wisdom of such a plan, but nevertheless relieved that Alec and Janet have permitted Felix to accompany them. I am not sure how much help he will be, but perhaps taking care of him will keep Felicity’s mind off the enormity of her task. His presence will lend the propriety required for her travel, for which I am pleased. Indeed, I know Felix is as anxious as Felicity or I am to find Gus alive. My hopes of it being so are rather low, but my prayers, I admit, have never been higher._

_Do take good care of yourself, Sara, and be certain to notify me immediately if you require anything._

_With fondest love,  
Your Aunt Hetty_

_August 1910_

_Dear Mother and Father,_

_Please be assured we are well. I know you were not in favor of my coming on this trip and I can’t say that I blame you for that. But as I said before, I have to be sure. I feel in my heart he’s still alive and until someone can prove otherwise to me, I can’t rest._

_Please tell Aunt Hetty again how grateful I am that she supported my going and her offer to accompany us. I know her responsibilities at the school and hotel wouldn’t allow it, but I know she would have made it happen._

_You might regret sending Felix with us, however, as he appears to have a natural proclivity toward sea life, and I’ve overheard him quizzing the sailors about their employment. It would not surprise me to learn he’s discovered the sea in his blood._

_But I am grateful for familiar faces, even Felix’s. Captain Crane is moody and keeps to himself. I’m afraid that although he says he does not believe Gus is dead, he really does believe it and feels quite badly. There are some very nice fellow passengers, but it is not the same._

_We should be at Charleston soon, I’m told, weather permitting, and I’m anxious to see what we can find. So far the journey has been beautiful and it brings to mind everything Gus ever told me about sailing and makes me that much more determined to keep going. I’ve spoken to all the sailors aboard and shown them Gus’s picture, but no one appears to know him or of his fate._

_Tell everyone hello for me and I’ll write again when we arrive._

_Love,  
Felicity_

_September 1910_

_Dear Felicity,_

_It does my heart good to know you’re safe, but I’ll feel better still knowing you’re on dry land. Or even better, returning home._

_I know you’re set on this quest and with all my heart I wish Gus were alive, but I just worry what will happen if he’s not? After seeing you simply waste away like a ghost this year since the news came, it makes me anxious. A mother’s prerogative, I hope._

_As for Felix, you tell him, his mother needs all her children safe and sound at home, far away from potential shipwrecks, if you please! I don’t know if my heart could take it after Gus._

_Nevertheless, stay together and stay safe and hurry home. I hope this trip brings you peace, Felicity. That’s all I want for you._

_Your father and I are praying daily for you. Hetty, Olivia, Eliza, and Cecily send their love._

_Love,  
Mother_

_September 1910_

_Dear Sara,_

_Forgive me for how long it’s been since I’ve written. I hope you can understand how hard it was for me to talk to anyone after I heard the news about Gus. Most likely if we had been together, you would have wormed something from me, but distance bought my silence from you and from everyone._

_I can only tell you that I felt like I died with Gus. I was alive and breathing, but wandering, in limbo, like a ghost. I couldn’t accept that he was dead, but until he was with me, I couldn’t live._

_I don’t know if anyone told you but Captain Crane wrote me and asked me to come to Charleston with him to look for Gus. I jumped at the chance and we sailed in August. We arrived safely in Charleston. Mother and Father sent Felix with me to keep things proper and safe and I’m actually glad he’s with me. He wanted Gus to be alive almost as much as I did. Captain Crane is not very sociable, and the circumstances of our journey are too personal and fragile to allow for much communication anyway._

_I did make friends with a Charleston native, Mr. Beckett, who was sailing home. He was most encouraging about my hopes and promised any help we might need once we had made port. His kindness is honestly one of the only things that kept me going during the long days of sailing._

_It was beautiful, just as Gus had always described, but thinking of him and how often he’d done as I was doing…it was almost unbearable._

_The full extent of how hard the journey would be occurred to me once we arrived. The action of sailing helped me to feel like I was doing something, but when we got here, I wasn’t sure how to accomplish our task. I took heart though remembering how Gus had gone to look for Captain Crane and despaired of finding him, yet he did indeed find him!_

_We, of course, went to the port office and inquired of his shipping line and encountered quite a lot of red tape. Not my tears nor the Captain’s bluster managed to get anything done there other than the promise of an appointment in a few days._

_We did get the name of a mission that treats the injuries of men from the harbor and so after we dropped off our luggage at a hotel, we made our way there. It was small and dark and full of horrible smells. One would think it was a hospital during war time, but I guess death and disease are just as awful no matter how they arrive. It was chaos. While I was introducing myself to the nurse, another one dropped a glass and it shattered everywhere. The matron wasn’t on duty so after showing a few women his picture, we came away._

_Captain Crane told me he was going to go down to the harbor and talk to his cronies there. A woman in every port? I think not, he spoke to some sailor every place we stopped along the way. The man has gossiping partners in every port! He didn’t want me to come, saying it was no place for a lady. I let him go alone and forbade Felix to go._

_I slept fitfully that night, feeling overwhelmed at the enormity of our task. The next morning the Captain told me that his sources had told him not all hands were lost. That was only first count! I can’t tell you the hope that flared inside me at that moment. There was no official list yet, but he was sure the survivors were being treated at the mission._

_We hurried down there to speak to the mission and the matron told us there was only one survivor left we could talk to. It was a young man named Jimmy and I asked him what happened. He knew Gus, Sara! He told me Gus had been the telegraph operator and turned back from the boat Jimmy survived in, to radio for help. And that Jimmy and everyone else owed their lives to Gus. He asked me how I knew him and when I told him, his face grew pensive and he hesitated before telling me he was sorry, but Gus had drowned._

_It didn’t seem possible I had come all this way for that so I pressed him harder for details, whether or not he saw a body. I started crying and couldn’t keep going so Felix took me outside while Captain Crane kept talking to him._

_When he came back out, he told me he knew Jimmy wasn’t telling him everything. The matron also told him that she hadn’t been on duty when the survivors had come in, but that there was a local woman, Megget Lydie, who volunteered there who had been in charge and I should talk to her. She wasn’t there that day, but could be found down at the wharf, selling her baskets._

_We went down there but couldn’t find her, though we asked everyone and showed everyone Gus’s picture. It was so draining._

_When we had dinner that night, I couldn’t shake the fact that this woman held all the answers to my questions and that we had to go back to the mission. Captain Crane agreed with me and we planned to go the next morning. I wanted to go right then, but I was overruled._

_We were in luck and she was on duty and she told me calmly she had no idea who Gus Pike was. I couldn’t believe her. I’m afraid the Captain got irritated and rude, but I’m glad because she finally told us to come with her and brought us to her house, where the same young woman who had dropped the glass was working outside._

_She took us into a room inside the house and, Sara, Gus was inside. He was lying in a bed, completely blinded, and looking so forlorn._

_He didn’t even know I was there. He started talking to Mrs. Lydie and when she didn’t answer him, he was…scared, asking who was there._

_I found my courage to tell him it was me and he reacted violently. Sara, he started shouting at us to get out and not come back._

_I didn’t…I don’t have words for everything that I felt then. To have come all this way and to find him like this. I never imagined this. Felix and I sat in shock outside while Captain Crane paced around the yard._

_Mrs. Lydie and her daughter explained that Gus had been found separate from the others and in the confusion, was thought dead. The mission needed the bed and so they had offered their home to him. Apparently when Gus found out he was blind and that most of the men had died despite his efforts, he had become depressed. She described it as a light going out inside of him._

_I know the light she spoke of and I despaired of ever seeing it again._

_I was determined to see him and talk to him myself so I went in there again._

_He was so pitiful lying there, Sara, and he was so cold to me._

_Well, he did touch my face and begin to cry, but he told me to go home and get on with my life._

_I told him that I would never leave him. I would live in Charleston the rest of my days if I had to, but I was not going home without him._

_I still feel that way, Sara, but I’m also so discouraged. What if he won’t come? He’s not in any shape to travel right now anyway, but I know how stubborn he can be. Right now he’s so lost and I don’t know how to reach him._

_I’m desperate for your advice and counsel as always. Felix is anxious and skittish and I think the appearance of his hero as this wounded, lowly man is really making it very difficult for him to know what to think. Captain Crane is…well, angry, I believe. He’s not very good at communicating apart from yelling, but he hasn’t spoken three words since I told him I was staying. Aye, was all he said._

_So…there we have it. For now, we are comfortable at our hotel and I plan to keep visiting Gus, whether he wants me to or not. But I still really want to know what I should do._

_Pray for me and write to me._

_Love,  
Felicity_

_October 1910_

_Dear Felicity,_

_I wrote this as soon as possible and paid as much as possible to have it sent to you immediately._

_Everything you’ve told me is extraordinary and I know it’s not all happy news, but I am so glad to hear he is alive. I know my loss couldn’t compare to yours, yet I found myself so hurt and numb when Uncle Alec told me the news. I grieved right along with you, but I felt more empty than anything else. When I got your letter I suddenly burst into tears now that he was alive!_

_But I am sorry for what both of you are going through. What a tragedy, the loss of his sight! He saw things more clearly than anyone and now that is no longer physically available to him. I am so anxious to know more and to learn why he didn’t contact you and how he is doing._

_And how you are doing, my dear Felicity. You have been so strong and courageous this whole time and I am very proud of you. What an adventure and you were right! Take heart in that. He is alive, even if he is wounded and all is unknown right now._

_I also approve of your decision to stay there. Winter is coming and travel would not be best soon anyway. Stay there until he is mended, mend him with your constancy and your voice, and I hope and pray he will want to come home soon._

_I’m sure he feels helpless right now. Think of how Gus loves to help people! How many times did we turn around to discover the disagreeable task we were dreading had already been taken care of! Remember his background and what he grew up with. His physical abilities are important to him. He didn’t have an education or family, but he could work and he could play his music, and that must be such a loss for him._

_Yet, there are a great many stories I’ve read of musicians learning to play their instruments by feel and their ear and I pray that can be a comfort to him soon._

_Either way, I must encourage you to be strong for him and be patient. Keep the famous King temper in check! It’s going to take time and, luckily, you can give him that._

_Be patient with Felix as well. It’s true what you said, Gus is his hero. That will be hard for him to see. But I’m glad he’s there with you, I only wish I was as well._

_I know you will be busy, but please let me know what’s going on and I will plan to visit as soon as possible when you are home._

_You are daily in my prayers and thoughts._

_Love,  
Sara_

_October 1910_

_Dear Sara,_

_Thank you for your letter. I got it so much sooner than I would have imagined, and it was exactly what I needed to hear._

_It’s been several weeks, and I’ve been to visit Gus every day. For at least the first week he refused to talk to me and I cannot tell you how angry it made me. I tried to be patient, but I think I did say some things I now regret._

_I was starting to picture my lonely life in Charleston, living in a city I didn’t know and trudging to see someone who didn’t want to see me every day until I was old and full of despair. Luckily, such melancholy thoughts were dispelled by a breakthrough of sorts._

_Felix had convinced me to do some sightseeing one afternoon and I indulged him. Partly to get away and partly to help him as I believe he really does feel badly and is anxious. It was a lovely afternoon and we bickered only slightly! We stopped in to see Gus before we went to dinner and found Captain Crane just coming away. I was slightly surprised because it had seemed that he did not feel comfortable visiting him before. He’d been with both me and Felix together, but he’d never gone by himself. Yet, I know he’d been even more restless than Felix or myself. He’d spent more of his hours down at the harbor than the hotel and I almost think if the weather had been better he would have gotten on a ship and sailed away._

_To be fair the only reason Mother and Father haven’t demanded Felix and I come home is because of the weather and because they don’t want me to be here alone._

_But I digress, as Captain Crane was leaving, looking as angry as I’d ever seen him. Mrs. Lydie whispered to me that he’d been shouting at Gus for about ten minutes about his mother and me and many other things._

_Gus was sitting up in bed and looking very angry so I didn’t go in, feeling like he needed some time to process whatever it was the Captain told him. I went back to the hotel with Felix, but Captain Crane wasn’t there._

_The next morning one of Mrs. Lydie’s boys came to the hotel with a message that Gus wanted to see me. I went at once and he was dressed and out of his bed. His hair was freshly washed and he looked better than any day I had seen him._

_When we spoke he told me about how many beautiful things in the world he’d seen and how he’d never see anything again, including me. He didn’t think a life with him would be worthwhile for me. How like Gus, just as you assumed. I told him that I didn’t know what life would be like with him this way, but I absolutely knew what it would be like without him because that’s what I’d been living and that we could take it one day at a time._

_He told me Captain Crane had been to see him and given him quite the verbal thrashing. But apparently it woke him up and made him realize that even though he felt useless, he was still needed by the people who loved him like myself and his mother. Though I’m not sure I approve of his methods, I am imminently grateful to the Captain for his efforts. He is in quite good humor now and visits with Gus often and spends the rest of his time taking Felix down to the harbor and introducing him to his cronies. I’m not quite sure Mother and Father would approve, but at this point I’m too happy to be cross. I think it will actually do Felix some good, in an odd way._

_Oh, Sara, once Gus is well enough to travel and the weather is good, we’re going home. I’ll be sure to let you know when and can’t thank you enough for your prayers and advice._

_Let me know all your news as well for we are likely to be here a little while longer and I would love to be able to tell Gus all the interesting news. I want to keep his spirits up as he is still getting his bearings from everything. He has begun weaving baskets to get coordination back in his fingers. I was shocked to hear how the burns he received were treated and wonder that he can move his fingers at all! Perhaps there is a danger in knowing something of medicine as I will never blindly accept a decision without questioning methods again. But I have no doubt with work he will be just as healthy and active as ever._

_Felix and Gus both send their love as do I._

_Felicity_

_November 1910_

_To: Miss Felicity King, Charleston, South Carolina, United States_

_Relieved to hear the news. STOP. Write when you are going home. STOP. Will write more fully soon. STOP. Love to all. -Sara Stanley_

_December 1910_

_Dear Felicity,_

_I am most exceedingly relieved to learn that boy has come to his senses and that you are shortly to embark upon your journey home._

_Please make certain to cable directly each detail of your voyage so that we may know when to watch for you. Be careful to keep your eye on Felix, as you know how flighty he can be. I certainly do not need to remind you to never speak to strangers. Do not leave your luggage unattended._

_I worry about your participating in Christmas festivities in those foreign parts, but I guess it cannot be helped._

_Mind you, tell Gus Pike that I shall have many strict words for him, once you have safely returned, about dilly dallying so long and causing everyone so much unnecessary worry._

_With great fondness,  
Your Aunt Hetty_

_January 1911_

_Dear Miss King,_

_Felicity is being so good as to write out my words for you. I’ve got a lot of apologies to make, for sure, but I wanted to start with you. It wasn’t to cause you all trouble that I didn’t let you know I was alive. I can’t explain exactly everything I was thinking and feeling, but it was a mighty darkness. I’m glad your niece came like an angel to drag me out of it._

_I’m beyond grateful to you and the King family for allowing me to be part of your lives and I promise to live up to that point as much as I’m able. I won’t let you down and cause you to doubt me. I can’t thank you enough for taking care of my ma while the Captain is here. I hope she is well as I worry about her feeling abandoned._

_We are all well, it’s nice to have Felicity and Felix and the Captain here. We’ll come home soon as the weather allows. I’m stronger every day. Give our best to all the folks in Avonlea._

_Respectfully,  
Gus Pike_

_January 1911_

_To: Mr. Gus Pike, Charleston, South Carolina, United States_

_Your mother is perfectly fine. STOP. We will always help her and you. STOP. How many times must I tell you, boy, I have never doubted you? STOP. I certainly don’t intend to start now. -Hetty King_

_February 1911_

_Dear Izzy,_

_Sorry I haven’t written a lot. You know me and writing. But there’s a lot that’s happened and I thought I’d get one more letter in before we go._

_How’s Avonlea and everyone? This is the longest and farthest I’ve ever been from home and it’s really odd. I keep thinking about home, but I like being away from it at the same time. Does that make sense? Probably not._

_But you know how I told you how much I loved sailing? It’s still true, Iz. Everything about it is amazing. Even the work is fun. I can see why Gus loved it so much. Captain Crane has been taking me to the harbor and introducing me to a bunch of his old cronies and I love the stories they tell. I’ve even gotten to do some short trips down the coast, but don’t tell my folks that! In a strange way the ocean reminds me of you, Iz. Or you remind me of it, I don’t know. I always thought you were like an ocean breeze…not that you smell like fish or anything._

_Anyway, when I get back to Avonlea, I feel like the hotel just isn’t going to be enough for me anymore. I’ve got all these ideas, ways to live, and I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be satisfied with just that again. I did promise Mr. Tremayne I’d be there for him when the eclipse happens in the autumn, but after that…who knows?_

_The only thing…well, the only thing other than my family that makes me not like the idea of a seafaring life is…you. I know we left things a bit unsettled and I’m not sure if the kiss we shared means the same thing to you. I mean, it means everything to me. But I know I’ve been gone for a while. I know I might not stay. Sorry, I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. All I know is that, I wouldn’t want to not consider us when it comes to my future. So maybe we could…talk about it when I get back?_

_In the meantime, I like it out here. Felicity and I get along better than we ever have, but she’s still bossy as anything. I’m trying to take it easy on her though, because it’s been really hard for her with Gus. Honestly, it’s been hard for me with Gus._

_I’m not used to seeing him like that. I’ve always looked up to him and it was like he was just a shell of the man he was. He’s better now and we’re talking like we used to but…I’m actually taller than him and it’s just hard. It’s hard to help your hero do basic things like walk without running into anything. He’s at the hotel with us now because neither Felicity nor Gus wanted to burden the Lydies with him anymore. But they still keep in touch. He and I share a room and I help him with everything. It’s just very odd._

_Anyway, it’s better news than I could have ever hoped for and I’m really glad he’s doing well. I’m sure you’ll hear when we leave but I think it will be next month sometime._

_Hopefully you won’t punch me in the nose when I get there._

_Felix_

_February 1911_

_Dear Felix,_

_You’re an idiot, you know that? Other than that, you’re my best friend and…more._

_Of course, we’re all so glad that Gus is doing better and that you all will be coming home soon. Everything you say about him makes sense and I’m sorry it’s a different relationship than it used to be. I’m never a fan of change, but I’ve been learning it happens whether we want it to or not. So, I’m trying my best to be patient and to change with grace alongside it._

_I was feeling rather upset about change recently when Morgan came for a visit and I’m afraid I made a mess of things by inviting my Aunt Lillian, whom Father does not get along with, to stay! I didn’t realize how much trouble it would cause, but in the end, I figured out a little bit more of what I want in life and who I should be trusting. I’m glad I got a chance to know her though and, as a result, know Muriel better. I did miss you then, for someone to talk everything over with. I have missed you even without that!_

_I can’t really say that it surprises me that the sea would be calling to you. You’ve always struck me as being the type of person that wants to wander from place to place, doing only the work that comes to hand._

_I also know that you have a real feel for the hospitality business and someday when you get that urge for adventure fulfilled, you’ll want to come home and be able to charm people for a living._

_Naturally, I don’t expect to be sitting here waiting for you though. I’ll just remind me you of the words Morgan told you when we first met: I shall be the first woman in charge of the British Navy._

_We can talk more when you get back but at this point, if you go to sea, so do I, Felix King. I may be less of a tomboy than I used to be, but I can out sail you any day of the week and I intend to prove that. In fact, I’m looking forward to it._

_Hurry home so I can punch you…or kiss you, I haven’t decided yet._

_Izzy_

_March 1911_

_Dear Mother and Father,_

_Thank you for your last letter. It was good to hear all the news of home. We are so sorry to miss Uncle Jasper now that he is in London and hope Aunt Olivia continues all right without him. I know full well how hard that must be for her._

_I’m so glad Cecily continues well and has been able to work with the horse of the new banker. I am very sorry to hear that Mr. Cane has left the bank though. He was such a good man. That, coupled with Mrs. Lloyd’s death, makes a lot of the news sad, but hopefully our return will be happy news._

_This is our last day in Charleston! I’ve grown to love this city with its food and slow pace and people. It’s been a good place to recover and figure out a new way of living._

_But…I’m so glad to be on our way home. I miss Avonlea, I miss the people. We are all anxious to be home._

_Captain Crane sends his best to Eliza. Gus and I can’t thank you enough for taking such good care of her all this time. He is eager to meet her again, though I know the Captain is anxious to get back to Jamaica as soon as he is assured Gus is all settled, even though Gus and I have both hinted rather strongly they should come back to Avonlea for good._

_Felix, I am afraid to tell you, has officially been hired as a seaman for our voyage home. But I am sure this is only at the behest of Captain Crane and Gus to the captain whom they have both sailed with before and trust implicitly._

_I don’t know how often I will be able to write again or what ports we might make along the way to receive your letters, but I will cable when I can so that both Aunt Hetty’s instructions are followed and that you know our progress._

_Love,  
Felicity_

_April 1911_

_Dear Mrs. Lydie,_

_I wanted to write and let you know we got home safely and to thank you again for all your kindness to me. Honestly, if you hadn’t taken me in, I don’t know where I’d be. Felicity is writing for me again and I’m glad she doesn’t get sick of it._

_It was good to get home and meet all the people I’d missed. Everyone has been real kind. We’re still figuring things out. I keep telling Felicity getting married might not be the best idea still since I won’t be able to do anything for her._

_She suggested we talk to Dr. Snow here in Avonlea and a professor of hers at school who might know more about if anything can be done for me so we’re set to do that real soon. I don’t know if I have any hope there, but I keep telling Felicity that even if she don’t want to keep on with her schooling, maybe Providence got her there for some reason and this might be it. If I could see again, I’d have no doubts about going through with being hers forever._

_Anyways, thank you again and God bless you for all your good care._

_Gus Pike_

_April 1911_

_Dear Jasper,_

_I miss you so much, my love! Monty and I are both well, but he asks for you constantly and I always feel terribly that I must tell him you’ll be gone a little while longer. I still believe this is a good opportunity for you, but I don’t want to miss the opportunity of reminding you how important you are to us._

_Avonlea continues much as it always has though there are rumblings again of Carmody wanting to amalgamate with Avonlea. It’s Eulalie and Archie starting all these rumors, but other than Hetty being quite upset about it, I don’t know as if it will come to anything. She has prepared a campaign of defense should it come to anything and Alec is right behind her._

_Eliza Pike was actually very helpful, helping with Monty as she could. Hetty and Janet both lent their aid. I was almost sorry to have her leave us._

_Because, of course, the other news is that Felicity, Felix, and Gus arrived home safely. My heart felt so for them both! Gus is changed certainly, and not just because of his eyesight. He is less hopeful, less positive. It is so hard to watch them struggle through this. He didn’t want to marry her unless he could see and she was determined to never live without him again._

_But they have come to a decision. Felicity’s professor from medical school told them of a risky new operation that could possibly help him. Felicity was against it since the mortality rate is so high, but Gus was determined to go through with it if it meant a chance. They argued for some time, but Gus won and they went in for it right away so it could be done while his mother and Captain Crane were still here._

_The operation was successful and though he cannot see with full sight, he can see shadows and the doctor is hopeful his sight will continue to improve. Felicity confided to me that as soon as possible after the operation she told Gus she wanted to marry him and this time he was in full agreement. The doctor released him into her care so she could look after his recovery._

_They will be married as soon as we can arrange for everyone to get back. They were willing to wait until you and Sara could return and so that’s one more reason for you to hurry home._

_It will also allow time for another change to fully take place. As I told you, old Margaret Lloyd passed away and left her house to the town. After an inspection and a discovery of four small orphans living on the premises, it was decided Avonlea would turn it into a foundling home. The new banker, Stuart Macrae, was very instrumental in the change and we are all grateful for his good sense._

_The most surprising part was that after much deliberation Felicity and Gus decided they would take over running it! With Gus being unlikely to ever have full eyesight, Felicity did not want to return to medical school, but they would also need to be able to make expenses, of course, so this worked out perfectly for them. The Dean children love them both already and Cecily is to divide her time between helping Alec at the farm and helping the two of them at the foundling home._

_I do love all your descriptions of England and would love to see it myself one day. I hope and pray you are having a wonderful time teaching and helping out your friend and look forward to your return very soon._

_Your loving,  
Olivia_

_June 1911_

_Dear Felicity,_

_I am home safely again. It is both wonderful to be back in my Paris home and torture to be away from my beloved Avonlea._

_Your wedding was exquisite! It was so wonderful to be home and see everyone and to take part in celebrating an event I have been helping promote since a small child. You and Gus are finally married and I am so pleased for you._

_Despite running in at the last second and Aunt Hetty being her usual stubborn self, it came off perfectly. God was certainly smiling down on the event._

_Gus looked so well and I’m so pleased he’s got so much of his sight back. I know it’s not what it was, but hearing him play again at the reception was so lovely. I know he felt bad he didn’t play exactly as he had before, but it was so beautiful and you must continue to encourage him to practice. The Dean children will love it!_

_I loved that we were all there together. Even Andrew was able to make it and that was certainly a surprise! But all the King cousins together for such an event will surely live on in memory._

_I really must catch up on all of my schoolwork, but please write soon and tell me about your wedding trip and all of the news._

_My love to you and Gus,  
Sara_

_June 1911_

_Gus,_

_It was a good wedding and I’m glad we were there._

_Your ma and I are almost back home, wanted to send you a few words and let you know we were safe. Jamaica is only a few days out and she’s doing well on the passage. I think sailing agrees with her. Tell your Felicity we’ll visit again and I’m sure your eyesight will let you come see us as well. We’ll take up the topic of moving at the time._

_In the meantime, I’ve got words of reference in for young Felix anytime he wants to take advantage of them._

_Be well and I’m right glad you’re all right, my lad._

_Ezekiel Crane_

_July 1911_

_Dear Sara,_

_Our trip was so nice. It’s funny, but despite all the adventures of the past year, it feels like Gus and I have never really been alone together. There was always someone, even if it was just Felix, around. So it was almost like a way for us to figure out who we are to each other all over again. I think it was needed._

_Because we are so busy now taking care of the children and he’s honestly still recovering from the surgery. It’s really nice to be able to put my skills to use._

_Actually, Sara, I have to confess I’m feeling rather content now. At first, I feared that I had wasted precious time and resources in going to medical school when I decided not to become a doctor. I mean, if I hadn’t wanted that so badly, Gus and I would be married right now! But then we also likely wouldn’t be here with these dear children. I, of course, would never wish to go through everything we went through, but somehow it all feels like it was meant to be._

_Gus got to find his mother and be reunited with his family and find out the truth of his past, which was so important to him. During that time, I learned skills that were honestly so useful both in my quest to find him, in taking care of him, and now in our life here. Running a house full of children all likely to break bones and get sick has made it necessary to have someone be able to take care of those needs and I have that knowledge. Sometimes Providence just works things out a little differently than we thought._

_Dr. Snow and Dr. Jones both continue to allow me to train with them so I will be kept abreast of everything new in medicine. It changes all the time, so many advancements! I get to continue learning without the stress of a practice. Providence has provided._

_Thank you, my dear Sara, for your kind words about our wedding. It was indeed special and I am so glad you and all my dear family and his was a part of it._

_Tell me all about school and next time I think I shall have rather juicy news to report about Felix and Izzy. You remember his expression when she walked down the aisle at the wedding, don’t you! And the way they snuck away together at the reception! Scandalous!_

_Love,  
Felicity_

_July 1911_

_Dear Captain,_

_I’m glad you’re both safe. Tell Ma hello for me. I’m actually writing this letter myself but it might take me a while and sorry if it’s hard to read._

_Felicity and I are back from our trip. It was a nice time, but we’re glad to be back home. Dealing with all those kids is different, that’s for sure. I don’t know as the Dean children will ever want to leave and we both would love for them to stay. But word got out right quick about us having a foundling home and now there’s a fair number of kids coming to stay._

_It’s a good thing the town is happy to help and Mr. Tremayne and Pierre send over lots of food from the hotel and the RODD and Knights of PEI pledge resources and time. I think we’re going to make it okay. Felicity is a natural even though she always says she couldn’t have foreseen this life for herself. But really the only thing I ever saw for myself was with her, so I’m pleased no matter what. But either way, this suits us._

_I’ll be sure and mention that to Felix as I think he broke the news to Mr. Tremayne that after this fall he’s planning on joining up. I think Izzy is planning on going with him to the complete horror of most of the ladies in Avonlea. I think her father is secretly proud of her though. Not sure how they’ll work it out, but I definitely believe in miracles myself._

_It’s real nice to be part of the Kings and Avonlea again, but I’ll miss you and Ma and hope to see you again soon. I’m practicing my music and doing all the things the doctors and Felicity say to take care of my eyes and every day I think I see a bit more._

_I can help take care of things and do a lot of the chores and that makes me feel useful. Things aren’t so hopeless as they used to be lying in that bed in Charleston. I’m right thankful God brought you all to save me from my own self-pity._

_Be seeing you._

_Your son,  
Gus_

**Author's Note:**

> I know I might be the only one to need this. I've been watching this show since I was a child and never really minded how inconsistent and plot-hole filled the show was because it was so tinged with nostalgia. Watching it as an adult through someone else's eyes helped me see that though I will never stop loving it, I'd love for it to make a bit more sense!
> 
> In S6 when Gus sails to find Captain Crane with his mother, she's literally never mentioned again in the show. It really needed to be dealt with, and the answers he was looking for from his past.
> 
> Now if Ezekiel Crane were involved, I think that would have definitely helped expedite matters to find him! And as much as Stuart was a good man, I would much rather Felicity's story not have to involve another man making her feel better (even if Gus is totally endgame!). Plus, I hope this helps explain more the sudden drop of her career as a doctor. 
> 
> Oh and, of course, helps explain exactly why Felix randomly suddenly decides to go to sea and in a way that doesn't complete ignore his relationship with Izzy.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[fanart] A Sea of Language](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24825598) by [oldestcharm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldestcharm/pseuds/oldestcharm)




End file.
